8 MONTHS TODAY

It is 8 months today since my beautiful Mum passed away.  8 Months ago it was also a  Saturday too.  She has been on my mind a lot in the last 24 hours.  I spent the evening with my good friend Brenda who lost her beloved husband to Cancer a month ago.   Sharing with her bought back all the memories of our last few weeks with Mum. 

In the last couple of weeks of Mum's life,  I jotted down some stories that I didn't want to forget.  I am so thankful I did this, because tonight I have been reading them again.  I would have forgotten some of them had I not of written them down.  Unfortunately there were lots more that I should have written down but didn't find the time to do so...

I want to record them here so I never loose them.

My Last Days with Mum

Her spirit is good, still happy, still laughing with us, still smiling,still making little jokes.

She asked Dad where her plate with her tooth was and he told her that it was at home.  He had a special cp for her plate and another one for his false teeth sitting in the bathroom and that they were well looked after.  As quick as a flash Mum said to him,  Don’t you put in the wrong ones” and laughed at her own joke.  That really cracked us all up.

Another touching moment was to hear from the lady in the bed next to mum, tell us how she was looking for Allan from about 6.30am in the morning.   Just that she was looking for Dad was special. 

Another touching moment for me was when we were all having a little joke to gether and see looked at Dad and just out of the blue she said to him “I love your smiling eyes”.  Not sure how Dad held it together, but it really choked me up. 

When it was time to leave, I gave Mum a kiss and she said to me “I love you”.  That meant the word to me, as with her memory the way it is, it is not something she always says anymore.    It was like a special gift from God for me. 

Also when Dad went to leave,  she asked him could she please come home with him.... left me with a lump in my throat, and when he bent to kiss her, she went back to more kisses,  she just wanted to kiss and kiss him.  It was so touching,  especially since there have been many times in the last few months when she has almost be unaware of her relationship with others. 

I am also feeling so blessed that even though she doesn’t remember our names anymore ( I am the girl from up north) the moment we walked in the door her face lit up, so I know that even though she may not recognize our names, she still recognises that we are special to her, that we love her and that she loves us.    God is so good. 

Thursday 3-02-12

Mum wasn’t as lucid today as yesterday.  She seemed a little more disorientated today.  Maybe because she was taken out for the needle biopsy ( bone marrow) and when she arrived back in the  room  she seemed a little confused.   Mind you she had 6 visitors also.   Steve, I, Chloe, Sarah and Dad, as well as Lloyd.

She seemed to ramble a lot more today,  and her conversations were not really making sense.

One of the treasures for me is her total reliance and dependability of Dad.  She looks for him, and there is absolute trust in her eyes.  

A treasure for Sarah today was the statement that she made when she walked into the room.  Mum made the comment  “There is no doubt about you”..    This is something she has said for as long as Sarah can remember her, and she said it again tonight proving to Sarah that her grandma is definitely  still her grandma. 

Chloe took comfort from Grandma when she was helping her get dressed and she turned to Chloe and said to her “You are such a lovely girl”.  Special memories always to be treasured. 

I was fortunate enough to sit with Mum for an hour or more tonight where she just chatted to me about her mum.  It seems that mum was back living in Queen Street.  Quite often her conversation didn’t make sense.  She was very tired and her eyes kept closing.  

Friday 3.2.2012 

I found this quote this morning. It really spoke to me.... it seemed to help me today. I want to record it so that I remember it.

Life Happens but Love helps......

It has helped today.... Life Does happen. We don't always like it, it brings pain and heartache. Love does help. The love I see in my Mum's eyes, the love I see in our family, the love between my parents. the love between the cousins... it is all helping today.

From Angie Gilliver Saturday 4.4.2012.

Found this beautiful Word today: "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the Lord, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54;10  

The above verse was such a comfort to me at the time of Mum's death.  It was as if God was speaking it directly to my heart.  I always want to remember it....

In some respects this year seems to have flown, and yet at other times, it seems as if this year has been a lifetime.  When Brenda and I were talking tonight,  we talked about how this time last year,  we could not even begin to imagine how much our lives would change in 12 months time, and if we had known this time last year what this year was going to dish out to us,  we would not have believed it could be possible.    It is a good thing that God holds the future in his hands, and that no matter what he is there to see us through our darkest days.