INTERNING MUM AND DAD'S ASHES...

It's been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster leading up to this important date for us...

We have been cleaning out our shed on the Sunshine Coast and getting rid of the last of Mum and Dad possessions and it has been a hard process.  I know that it has to be done and I am happy that it is being done, but it seems there is a finality to their lives and there is a part of me that doesn't really want it to be final... I came across a little baby jacket that was half knitted.  I couldn't throw it away... well at least not yet.  My mum's hands  worked those needles,  there was a part of who she wasn't in that little bit of her work.  My Dad's tool kit that he has kept since he was an apprentice before he was married... someone wanted to buy it but I just couldn't part with it yet...  I think it was also knowing that we were approaching this day, when we finally lay their ashes to rest... another finality... has just made these last couple of months hard...

Having lost both our parents, date wise, only a little over a week apart in March, we decided that this would be the perfect timing to finally lay Mum and Dad's ashes to rest. It is 10 years since Mum passed away and 2 years since we have lost Dad.  

Without any real guidelines from Mum and Dad about where they would like their ashes to be scattered, we decided to return them to Bundaberg, the town where they both grew up, where they raised their family, built a home and business and where they both served the community in which they lived.

It wasn't too hard of a decision to make, both their families and parents are buried in Bundaberg and Jude now lives there so she will always be there to visit.  We choose to have their ashes placed in a wall that looks out over a little natural creek bed, where you can sit and just reflect and remember.  It is also not far from the business that Dad established out their so it felt like we were bringing them home...

 It is now nice to have made the decision and it feels like there is at least closure now.  I also love where they are placed.  Bundy is a town they both love, it is where most of their very close friends still live and I know we are more likely to visit them here, as it is also the resting place of all my other close relatives, along with Steve's family also.

It was a lovely day.  Both Steve and I headed out to Sugarland in the morning as I really wanted to take some red roses with me.  Red roses were always Mum and Dad's favourite flowers, and they always the flowers he not only bought for me but often for us girls too, so as my parting gift, I wanted to leave some for them also...

Two of my nieces came up especially from Toowoomba for the ocassion.  Tamika was really keen, as she was overseas when Dad passed away and there missed his funeral, so in a way this was closure for her also.

The council was really helpful and had everything set up ready for us at 2pm.  We arrived and they were happy to take some photos with us, and give us as much time as we needed to say our goodbyes and take some photos..

We did have one hiccup though and a part of me is still finding it hard to come to terms with, but there has always been contention in the way that Dad spelt his first name.  We would always spell it with two L's and he would always inform us that we didn't know how to spell his name... It is just like his initials, AL with one L... so this is how we spelt it on his headstone.  I checked with both girls, and he had said the same thing to them at different times, also, so I know that it wasn't just me..

Now whether, Dad mixed it up himself after he had his stroke, I am not sure, but he always insisted that it was spelt with one L.  When we took the ashes out of the packet they were in, his had his name spelt with two L's so this got us all thinking that the funeral home had made the mistake.... that was until we got home and went searching for paper work.  Hannah remembered photographing forms when she was tiding up Dad's office with Sarah after he passed away, so went hunting back to find his birth certificate and low and behold, his name is spelt with two L's there also.
 I am struggling with having it spelt wrong now, but my sisters think it is find, because that is always how he insisted it was spelt to us, and they figure that he would be happy with it spelt like that.    Even when we did a google search on his name, we fold that it had spelt it with a one L..  Think it is always going to affect me a little, the last act we did for them, and somehow I got it wrong. 

Red Roses in memory of my wonderful parents.

Other than the mix up with the name, we are all very happy with the way it turned out.  It was hard to choose what we wanted to say about them for the world to see,  there were just so many ways we could remember them by, that just a few words of a headstone really didn't share the essesence of how wonderful they were at all...  We have been so very blessed to have had them as parents,  they weren't perfect, but they loved perfectly and we are the people that we are today because of their great love for us..

In some ways, I'm pleased that Dad kept Mum with him in the cupboard, and that we were able to have them buried together like this with their headstone as one.  It was always how they were in life, always together, always complementing each other...  The great loves of each other's lives, and now buried together.  I still miss them every single day...

Even though I am not a big cemetery visitor, it is nice to know that we have somewhere to go to sit and remember them by...  a part of me is very glad that we have this resting place for them, and we can go and remember them there.  That there is a record of them and who they were. 

We didn't make a big event out of it, we shared stories and memories during the day together, we comtemplated, and we remembered... I think we all found our own meaning out of this time, but we were together.  It was hard because in a lot of ways we didn't know what to expect.  It wasn't a funeral, that had already happened, although even for Dad that was not what we had planned or hoped for... Covid changed all that, but in hindsight, we were so blessed because even though there were restrictions, we could still have 100 people at Dad's funeral, not like friends of ours who lost their parents a week later and could only have 10 people there.  These last couple of years have been strange in lots of ways, so whilst there has been some pain and things hadn't gone the way we might have hoped, God's timing in it all has been just perfect...  We really have been blessed, that we were able to be with both our parents right to the end, that they had someone with them when they took their final breath, that they know they were loved and we felt their love in return...  There was love there, and it can never be taken away... so so blessed... 

The staff from the Bundaberg City Council, took photos of us all for us..

It was then time to lay their ashes in the wall.  Jude placed Dad's in and I placed in Mum's.  Lea watched on.  We actually left the roses in their with them..

Mal and Steve then got to place the marble front piece in place whilst the council then sealed it up. 

Our job has been completed,  it is nice to see some recognition of their existence and we are all happy with it and it's location...

And a  final photo of us three girls with our Mum and Dad.  We love you, we're so thankful that we are you daughters.. We have been so blessed, your inheritance to us is above rubies and gold... The life lessons you have taught us have now been handed down to our kids..

Before leaving the cemetery, we decided to take a little walk around and show Lea where Grandma Newitt was buried along with Grandad and Grandma Stewart.  We also came across the headstones of Steve and my niece and nephew. 

When I think of my Mum and my grandma, there lives were not easy.  My grandmother lost her husband when he was only 40 years of age and she was left to raise four young children on her own.  My mum was only 9 when she lost her dad.  She was the same age as my grand daughter.  Grandma also lost her youngest son on Christmas Day when he was 15 years.  Christmas was never the same for her again... I think of lot of these adversities had really shaped the character of my mum too.  She had such a beautiful spirit... she was always happy and a very empathic person.  To see this headstone, gives you a glimpse into the life of my grandmother.  She also was a wonderful woman,  she had a very big presence in our lives and we spent a lot of time with her.  These week, I have been able to look back over my life and realize just how truly blessed I have been to have had the relationships with not only my parents but also my grandparents as well.  This is what motivates me to invest into the lives of my own grandchildren...

Likewise on my dad's side of the family, I look back at the wonderful Christian heritage that has been passed down to us from their lives.    I don't think growing up I really realized just how very fortunate I was.  I think I took these relationship very much for granted growing up.  Not that any of us were perfect people but there was always a genuine love and connection and that is what I cherish most. 

Leanne and Mal were leaving us from here.  They were heading back to the Sunshine Coast, whilst Steve and I were heading back to John and Jude to spend time with them and our beautiful nieces.

It's been a good day,  I am so thankful that we could all be here together. 

We ended up having an easy dinner just ordering in fish and chips and having it at Jude's.  It was a great relaxing evening with us all spending time individually and as groups just chatting, and catching up on all our family news... It was so good to chat to my niece Tamika and hear about all the work she has been doing on her new house that she has just bought...  to catch up with Joe and Hannah and share fishing stories and she what they have been doing to their place also.    We might all be different, but I do feel so blessed to have wonderful sisters who although are busy in their own lives, would be there for you at the drop of a hat if you needed them...

It's days like this that make me feel very blessed...